We went to an incredibly smart dinner the other night (at someone else’s expense I’m delighted to say). It was a black-tie do. Country mansion, Michelin stars, five course banquet that kind of thing. I dug out my seldom worn dinner-jacket for the occasion. It looked incredibly suave. To complete the illusion I needed to add my most stylish black shoes. Sadly they had worn out long ago but, as luck would have it, were still to be found in residence at the bottom of my wardrobe. Polished to within an inch of their lives they looked the business even though the soles were completely worn through. Our table of six included a well known Tv presenter, one of the wealthiest women in the land , two concert pianists and us. We had a great time. I enjoyed talking to the multi-billionaire sitting on my left happy in the knowledge that she need never know that I was literally on my uppers.
Dancing Ledge 
I once had a date with a very important girl on Valentines night. I tried getting a table at Ronnie Scotts, but had left it too late. I settled on Pizza Express in Soho. For some insane reason, I wore a dinner jactet outift with black bow tie. I picked her up in taxi and she emreged from her house in jeans and a Jumper. I felt a complete idiot. But it was too late, I just had to go with the evening. We arrtived downstairs in Pizza express. “see” she said” there are plenty of others dressed like you” Looking round the room there wre indeed several men with the full DJ thing. My first drink arrived and for a few brief moments I relaxed. Then everyman in Djs stood up and climbed onto the stage – they were the band.
Not a great night.
Could have been worse. They might have been The Chippendales!